


The Years We Felt

by Lunlun



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: Domestic Fluff, Fluff, M/M, Romance, Sweet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-28
Updated: 2019-12-28
Packaged: 2021-02-26 00:21:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,474
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21994423
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lunlun/pseuds/Lunlun
Summary: Spock thinks about his past and present while lying in bed with Jim in a beautiful night.
Relationships: James T. Kirk/Spock
Comments: 12
Kudos: 69





	The Years We Felt

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone!  
> Welcome to the fic but before we start
> 
> Special thanks to my friend:  
> [burning_spirit](https://archiveofourown.org/users/burning_spirit/pseuds/burning_spirit) for beta reading the fic for me!
> 
> But if there are still small mistakes  
> they are all mine, my mistakes.  
> All mine.
> 
> Now go have some fun while reading spirk!

It's a feather light touch that wakes Spock from his sleep. He tenses for a split second then relaxes when he sees Jim's soft features right in front of him. The touch that has awoken him comes from Jim's hand shifting and searching until it finds a resting place at Spock's hip. Spock watches Jim. Has the rising need to reach over and brush Jim's hair out of his face. In all the years they've spent together, Jim's hair has started to grey, the hazelnut giving way to dark and light silvers, even some whites in between. To some it may have looked like old age was slowly but surely affecting the beauty Jim held. His stomach had grown, his face adorned with crow's feet -the evidence of his everlaughing face and his everloving character- but to Spock, he grew more beautiful with every passing day. 

Spock exhales through his nose as he finally moves his hand out from under the covers and reaches over to place it tenderly on Jim's cheek, then, his touch feather light, he brushes over Jim's hair so that he can see his sleeping face better. With a smile he pulls his hand away and nestles it back under the covers. The night is still young and the stars illuminating the room through the window give Jim's face a surreal look. It's like he is looking at ancient Vulcan art, pottery that decorates pots with silver embroidery and Vulcan scripture. 

Spock exhales as he adjusts his position in bed and scoots just a little bit closer to Jim. The position they lie in reminds Spock of their first night after bonding as a couple, their first night after their marriage ceremony. They had been so exhausted after the ceremony, they had fallen to bed immediately. Jim had silently agreed to the mindmeld, closing his eyes as Spock bound them for life. The feelings flooding them both had been so overwhelming, they had shuddered and the instant Spock removed his fingers from Kirk's psi points they both felt crushing loneliness. They both had wanted it to continue for another second, for another minute, maybe even forever, but Jim had been exhausted. The bond had been made but the intensity of a mindmeld, to this day, was something thrilling, something they cherished over all else.

Spock closes his eyes. Pictures Jim on their wedding night. Lying there exhausted, physically and mentally. Spock smiles to himself. On that night, too, the stars had lit Jim's face until it turned into the most beautiful painting. Jim had reached for his hip, laid his hand there and smiled at Spock. He had whispered to him privately of his happiness and love. At times it had looked like sleep had caught up to Jim but he would pull himself awake every time, not ready to have the night end, the night where their lives became one. After many years of playing a frustrating game around one another. Just within reach but out of touch. The small gap that separated them stretched until it snapped, until they both had to look truth in the eye and accept the fate that was bestowed upon them. Just as Edith Keeler had said: Spock belonged at Jim's side in any universe, in any form. They were fated, they were T'hy'la. They were meant to be.

"Spock?" Jim drawls.

Spock opens his eyes just for them to be met by Jim's dark sleepy gaze, the stars not bright enough to bring out all the beauty that rests in his husband's eyes.

"My beloved?" Spock whispers back. "You should sleep."

"I was," Jim rasps, and he shifts, his hand at Spock's hip tightening momentarily.

"I apologize for waking you." Spock reaches over to Jim's face, lays his hand on Jim's cheek, stroking it with his thumb, then threading his fingers through Jim's hair, his hand brushing past Jim's ear until it draws down to nestle at his nape.

"Mm." Jim sighs and then yawns. "Apology accepted." He pulls Spock closer, his hand at the small of Spock's back. "You were thinking of our wedding night."

"That is true."

"I dreamed of that night before waking. Thank you." 

Spock feels Jim's breath against his nose. It's warm and mildly uncomfortable but he would change nothing about the situation. The little discomforts are worth it all, they give their moments together more depth, more things to remember them by.

"You know…" Jim stops to exhale and swallow. But then he falls silent. 

Spock waits, patiently. Just as Jim would with him. 

"Sometimes I wonder how this," his embrace around Spock tightens for a second, "between us could've developed if we hadn't been so stubborn."

Spock pulls his lips into a thin line and, to his own shame, averts his eyes out the window to the stars instead of looking at Jim.

"If I was younger, stronger… how things could've been different."

Spock would be lying if he said he never wondered, that he never regretted not running after the feelings he felt for Jim instead of running away from them and making a most desperate final attempt to purge them. But however he looked at their situation, in that moment and even many years back, when Jim was still 37 and he 40, he could not imagine a more perfect outcome for them.

"Jim." Spock finally looks back at Jim, into his eyes. Sees the slight sadness and nostalgia in them. Age, Spock realises, is making Jim emote even more. In his old tired eyes there lie more emotions than before and it is fascinating to see a new side of Jim every passing day. "I cannot think of the time in our five year mission as wasted potential," Spock says, lips forming a thin line before he wets them to talk further. "I see it as a learning process. We needed those years that lay between then and now to see how important we were to one another." Spock's hand travels to Jim's shoulder and then down to his side. "To the frustration of many people in our young lives," his arm fits perfectly at Jim's side, "neither of us had seen or realised that aspect yet. We were young. We were under tremendous pressure. I-" Spock clears his throat and looks away from Jim's eyes, "I was not yet ready to understand and accept the sheer intensity of my emotions." Then he looks back at Jim. "I needed the time, and I made you wait, ashayam." A smile finds its way onto Spock's face. "Forming a romantic relationship too early in our lives could have meant the loss of depth and the loss of all the teachings our journeys have provided us. I do not regret a second of my friendship with you, Jim, just as I do not regret a second of all the days since we finally decided to couple, my beloved."

Jim's eyes soften, they shine, like the moon on earth. Silent and beautiful.

"You are my husband and I shall always be yours," Spock finishes.

Jim's eyes widen slightly, then he smiles, his embrace once again tightening impossibly, as if he's trying to mold their bodies together.

"I'm so weak for your sweet talking, k'diwa."

The Vulcan word had over the years come to be the sweetest thing Spock has the pleasure to hear. Jim's accent is delighting; even after 40 years the word weighs heavy on his tongue. The way his throat can't exactly capture the timbre has Spock melting inside. He places his head on Jim's, gives a small private smile. He knows Jim can feel it in their bond and even in the small shift of muscles in Spock's face. Then he hears Jim yawn, his chin rubs against the crown of Jim's head as Spock shifts to look at his face again.

"You should truly sleep, Jim."

Jim laughs silently, his eyes squinting, the crow's feet much more pronounced. "I am aware," he answers with a tired smile. His eyes fill with so much affection it makes Spock ache to look into them. "But somehow," he pauses, seems to search for words, "somehow tonight feels special."

Spock rumbles a small laugh and then kisses Jim's forehead. "And there are many more to come," he says, Jim's eyes closing, heavy as sleep readily accepts him. "Sleep now, love. Sleep so another special day can begin that much sooner." Spock pauses. "I shall too."

Jim nods sleepily, then Spock hears his breaths evening out until they are the only sound in the night. Finally Spock too closes his eyes, cherishes the bond that floods him with calm.

They belong to one another. In this timeline and universe just as in any other. Edith's words resound in his mind while sleep guides him through another night.

**Author's Note:**

> If you liked the story leave me a comment, they show me what you guys like
> 
> Also  
> Comments give me a life  
> So help me become an immortal!


End file.
